During the last trimester of my first pregnancy I was working ten hour days as a medical assistant. My husband would finish his summer construction job, meet me in the doctor’s office around 6:00 p.m. and we would begin our second job of cleaning the office. Naturally, I would collapse on our couch in the evenings. My sweet husband would rub my tired, swollen feet each night. It soothed me physically and emotionally.
John Rosemond, a family psychologist, best selling author of eleven parenting books, and husband to the same woman for more than forty years has said, “Despite what you may have heard, the relationship that requires the most quality time is not that of parent and child, but that of husband and wife.”
Acts of tenderness, consideration, and compassion are essential. What are some kindnesses you show your spouse? Do you know what makes your spouse feel loved?
Our friend Sandy is a wonderful marriage and family therapist. She recommends doing this activity with your spouse:
- List 5-10 things you would like your spouse to do more often (simple requests such as “ask me how my day went”, compliments, love notes, telephone calls, holding hands, doing laundry, expressing gratitude, changing baby’s diapers, greeting each other affectionately after returning home from work, doing the grocery shopping, cuddling on the couch, etc.) BE SPECIFIC.
- Each spouse should do at least two things on your spouse’s list each day. Don’t get annoyed or frustrated if your spouse fails to do items requested of them.
- Focus on your own behavior of performing caring acts.
- Follow-up with discussion in one month. Re-visit this activity in 6 months.
“When you are married, be fiercely loyal one to another. Selfishness is the great destroyer of happy family life. If you will make your first concern the comfort, the well-being, and the happiness of your companion, sublimating any personal concern to that loftier goal, you will be happy. ” — Gordon B. Hinckley